This is how this week feels. I gained 2 pounds, I was hungry, grumpy, I didn’t feel like exercising. Today I’m cooking Thanksgiving dinner (because I worked yesterday), and my hearts just not in it. Where did all that motivation go?
Work was crazy busy, I tweaked a knee, started my period, had a headache AND there were pot lucks in every room…ugh! A couple of things still managed to ever-so-briefly spark my motivation even through all this. First, I walked in front of a window at dark, and saw my not-so-flattering reflection. Full View! Now that’s a reminder. We have uniforms at work, RED no less! Even when I have make-up on, do my hair, most of the mirrors at home and at work are only face up or waist up, so I forget about the “incredible bulk.” The red is not flattering on me, and I have few style choices in size 3X, so I just don’t look that nice. Second situation, I found some help for a procedure I needed to do, and the young nurse playfully slapped me on the side of my leg/hip like “let’s go” but she got part of my gut, and I cringed! I’m not sure she even noticed, but I was mortified! Lastly, over the last few days I’ve been incredibly hungry! This usually happens around my period for a day or two, but this time, I guess I was feeling deprived because I couldn’t get full. Then! When I went to bed, I felt soooo full I couldn’t sleep. This happened two nights in a row. I don’t feel full until way too late! I couldn’t believe the second night that I actually repeated this behavior. I was so mad at myself!
It’s hard to believe that I work, have a brain, am usually rational, but that I can be so irrational and make so many bad choices over and over again about food. Working on this blog and reading other blogs have made me realize it’s not just me, there is hope, and to keep trying. I’m going to try “fluffy2fitmamma’s” idea about non food rewards this week. I’ll make a list of different price range ideas and choose what’s appropriate for my reward as I earn them. I need to feel rewarded instead of deprived. Weight loss of 1 or more pound a week, tactfully avoiding bad situations, planning ahead, and 5 or more days of exercise in a week will be my starting points.
Simply working on this blog, is helping me find my motivation. Deep breath! Trying once again.