The Struggle!



This is how this week feels.  I gained 2 pounds, I was hungry, grumpy, I didn’t feel like exercising.  Today I’m cooking Thanksgiving dinner (because I worked yesterday), and my hearts just not in it.  Where did all that motivation go?  

Work was crazy busy, I tweaked a knee, started my period, had a headache AND there were pot lucks in every room…ugh!  A couple of things still managed to ever-so-briefly spark my motivation even through all this.  First, I walked in front of a window at dark, and saw my not-so-flattering reflection.  Full View!  Now that’s a reminder.  We have uniforms at work, RED no less!  Even when I have make-up on, do my hair, most of the mirrors at home and at work are only face up or waist up, so  I forget about the “incredible bulk.”  The red is not flattering on me, and I have few style choices in size 3X, so I just don’t look that nice.  Second situation, I found some help for a procedure I needed to do, and the young nurse playfully slapped me on the side of my leg/hip like “let’s go” but she got part of my gut, and I cringed!  I’m not sure she even noticed, but I was mortified! Lastly, over the last few days I’ve been incredibly hungry!  This usually happens around my period for a day or two, but this time, I guess I was feeling deprived because I couldn’t get full.  Then! When I went to bed, I felt soooo full I couldn’t sleep.  This happened two nights in a row.  I don’t feel full until way too late!  I couldn’t believe the second night that I actually repeated this behavior.  I was so mad at myself!

It’s hard to believe that I work, have a brain, am usually rational, but that I can be so irrational and make so many bad choices over and over again about food.  Working on this blog and reading other blogs have made me realize it’s not just me, there is hope, and to keep trying.  I’m going to try “fluffy2fitmamma’s” idea about non food rewards this week.  I’ll make a list of different price range ideas and choose what’s appropriate for my reward as I earn them.  I need to feel rewarded instead of deprived.  Weight loss of 1 or more pound a week, tactfully avoiding bad situations, planning ahead, and 5 or more days of exercise in a week will be my starting points. 

Simply working on this blog, is helping me find my motivation.  Deep breath! Trying once again.  


About anonymousfatlady

Kind mannered Morbidly Obese Female, on a journey to better health. Over 150 pounds to lose. Help Wanted!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Struggle!

  1. Oh I so hear you. The non-food rewards are a great idea (when you actually earn them). I also saw the great idea of photographing (on the cell phone) everything that goes in your mouth. Might make me think twice. It’s time for this big beautiful woman to get moving again. Let’s do it together.
    xo, BB

  2. The Incredible Shrinking Momma says:

    I’m sorry for your struggle!! its so hard with the holidays and food everywhere!! thrilled that blogging helps so much, I enjoy your posts and I’m tooting for you!!

  3. No need to be mad at yourself! It happens! It will continue to happen! It’s changing how you react to the situations that will change your next “encounter”. I understand you like I typed the above myself! I got your back and am here when you need it! Hearing I’m not alone helps me tremendously and it seems a few people are vining with my struggle as well. It takes support to get us where we need or want to go! Most of our struggle is mental! Woooooosaaaaa and get back at it! ;0)

    Until next time,


  4. Vibing not vining! Lol

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s